On today's show, Colin is joined by his friend Elsa Moreck, to talk dating, flirting, relationships, mindset, healthy ways of looking at dating, body language and so much more! Tune in to learn all about her and how you can turn your dating habits around to live a more fulfilling and less exhausting love life.
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[00:00:00] Elsa Moreck: [00:00:00] One person in the relationship living in a way where they take 100% accountability for their life, but the other person blaming circumstances, or always looking to the outside to confirm how they feel on the inside that won't work.
[00:00:29] Colin Stuckert: [00:00:29] So Elsa with a full stomach is now and we're going to talk. Okay. So dating. Hm. Let's start with men first. Okay. You know, there's so much there, but like it's hard to ask a question. It's hard to say what's like the number one thing that men struggle with. Right. Or, you know, but what are some of those common?
[00:00:45] Um, I would say psychology hangups that guys go into dating with that are just kind of bad thought patterns or preconceived ideas that kind of probably keep them doing and saying stupid things. What are some of those
[00:00:57] Elsa Moreck: [00:00:57] one thought pattern for sure is thinking that they're going to annoy women. If they talk to them,
[00:01:04] Colin Stuckert: [00:01:04] like if they open, like if they open them or
[00:01:06] Elsa Moreck: [00:01:06] yeah.
[00:01:06] Like if th they just assume that if they try to establish a connection with a girl, she's going to get annoyed. Like she's just not available for connection.
[00:01:15] Colin Stuckert: [00:01:15] Inconveniencing them kind of, I do feel that like, if you're opening somebody, you don't know them, it's cold. You might feel like, Oh, well, she's probably in her own little world or whatever, but what you're saying is maybe she wants to be talked
[00:01:26] Elsa Moreck: [00:01:26] to.
[00:01:26] Yeah. And that's where finding out where she's at in terms of temperature, like, is she warm? Like, is she open for connection or is she hot? Is she looking for connection? Like actively, like I had a new client who just signed up to work with me. And that's one of the biggest mindset blocks that he has is he feels, he actively, he feels like he's actively annoying woman.
[00:01:47] Yeah. So what that does to him is it makes him freeze up when he does see a woman he's attracted to, and he doesn't notice any of the signs because he's so stuck in his head that he's not paying attention to the signs. Yeah. Whereas, [00:02:00] like there are women sometimes are just like screaming for you to look at them and screaming for you to talk.
[00:02:05] So how do you
[00:02:06] Colin Stuckert: [00:02:06] test temperature? Cause you make it sound like as if like you can maybe throw some very subtle, like low, simple, easy things to do that. Like are there some specific techniques? So are you okay, so body language, something you already know. I read body language from a
[00:02:18] Elsa Moreck: [00:02:18] far though. You could read it from a Phi.
[00:02:20] You could read it from up close. If it. I could give examples. Yeah. Well,
[00:02:24] Colin Stuckert: [00:02:24] so if you're, so I'm now the guy, I'm trying to think about this for myself, right? So. I feel like if I'm in a coffee shop working and that's a standard set set up for me and I'm next to a girl and I mean, their day was sandwiched between two.
[00:02:37] Then I'm like I could program to talk to both of those and I didn't take any action to do anything. I probably should have it, even if it's simple as a compliment or something. Right. So that's something I'm working on that might benefit. Some people make the goal, just like make a compliment and then just like move on.
[00:02:48] You always have to have some objective for me. I always feel like if I have to commit to a long conversation, I'm inconveniencing them. I also got work to do so then I start thinking about that. Um, but how do you read somebody? That's like headphones on they're working? Like, how can you read from afar or their thing?
[00:03:03] Is there a ways I got open and then based on the reaction, maybe take some cues.
[00:03:08] Elsa Moreck: [00:03:08] I still feel like even if she has headphones on and she looks focused, if you're at the coffee shop long enough, you'll have. Time to see whether or not her body language is open for connection. So she might be on her headphones, but every 20 minutes has a habit of scanning the room and looking at what everyone else is doing.
[00:03:29] Or she might have, like, I don't know, every 45 minutes she walks to the bathroom and on her way back, she's not on a mission. She's actually like. Perusing the cafe with her eyes and looking, looking to be noticed. So if that's the energy you're getting, then you can talk to her. If the energy you're getting is like, she's on a fucking mission.
[00:03:50] And she's, cause woman's sometimes like we're hunting too. Like we're not where the typical gatherers of society, but we also have hunting modes. And when, when a woman's in hunting mode, she doesn't really [00:04:00] want to be approached because she's focused on her mission and she has an objective, but even women.
[00:04:06] Have moments will, especially women have moments when they're not hunting and like they're transitioning into, um, just being more present or just looking to be more feminine. So I think that you have to look for those opportunities.
[00:04:20] Colin Stuckert: [00:04:20] I can tell you right now that I don't feel like I'm perceptive at figuring that out.
[00:04:26] Right. And I feel like a lot of guys probably aren't because I go into that coffee shop setting and it's standard that you kind of go into a little world, like the, the, the whole kind of coffee shop coworking thing, um, is very. It seems like it's very siloed. It's almost like the gym. You go to the gym, there's people around you, you might get in close proximity with them, but it doesn't mean you're talking to them and that's become kind of the established norm.
[00:04:44] So to cross that barrier, it does, it does seem like a big Gulf. You have to kind of cross if you're not in the habit of doing that. So how do you, I mean, maybe you can see it because you're seeing from the female perspective, I feel like I don't see it, but if I open, I feel like I can be depending on their response and how they're talking to me, I feel like I can pick up on cues that way, but without opening.
[00:05:03] I would have no idea what to look for. I mean, those two things you said I could, maybe I could kind of like notice that now, but is there anything else or, or maybe I should just try to open it with a compliment and see what
[00:05:11] Elsa Moreck: [00:05:11] happens. I would say the first thing is start, like start having your mindset open for connection before you even
[00:05:21] Colin Stuckert: [00:05:21] leave.
[00:05:22] Okay. So what does that look like? What am I talking to? How am I saying to
[00:05:24] Elsa Moreck: [00:05:24] myself, like setting the intention of like. I'm going to have a really good fucking day and I'm going to connect with some dope humans and I'm going to have, I'm going to add value to everyone that I speak to just like setting that intention when you're still getting dressed in your closet to leave for the day.
[00:05:41] And then when you do leave for the day, start adding value to every human you see smell. I let the person compliment a lot, right? Yeah. Compliment smile to the person who's at the stop sign. Right. Get your energy up, whether that means like listening to your favorite tunes and just like getting into a really high by place when you get your coffee, ask the person how [00:06:00] they're doing.
[00:06:01] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:06:02] Colin Stuckert: [00:06:02] And actually greet the barista and like smile at them first. Most people default to like letting them open, but you actually you'll get such better service when you open people like a smile, like first and you're like always the first to do it. I think that's a good habit. Yeah.
[00:06:15] Elsa Moreck: [00:06:15] That I always ask people, like, in your opinion, what's the best thing on the menu.
[00:06:19] And just like getting into the flow of like having connections with everyone, creating connections with everyone so that when you do sit down and a cute girl sits next to you on the table next to you, then you've already trained them
[00:06:33] Colin Stuckert: [00:06:33] muscles natural to smile and say, Hey or whatever,
[00:06:35] Elsa Moreck: [00:06:35] like, yeah. Yeah.
[00:06:36] It's natural then. Yeah. And it's just an extension of how you were already being, it's not like you were. You had this like stern frown, like face the entire time. And now suddenly you're going to like go from zero to a hundred and, and start a good conversation with her. And then in terms of like what to say, honestly, it really doesn't matter.
[00:06:54] Like we don't remember what people say to us. We remember how they, well, how they make us feel like I, I I've had, I mean, the guy that asked me out like Sterling, he literally said, hi, That's all
[00:07:06] Colin Stuckert: [00:07:06] he said, well, it's funny, you know, what's funny about that is, you know, Mark Manson, right. Role models. He has something I highlighted, I found in my Kindle highlights a long time ago or recently.
[00:07:14] Um, and I read the book like 10, like whenever it came out years ago, he said that his opening is like 99% of the time. Hey, I'm Mark. He's like, it's literally not about what you say, it's how you say it. And that's what he's almost every single time. And like, just keep it simple, you know? Cause I think if you get it too, in your head as a guy, we can get our heads.
[00:07:33] Elsa Moreck: [00:07:33] Exactly. Yeah. I've racked my brain for like, what did he say? That was so, and then I know. Well, yeah, I can't even remember. And then I keep going back to, I really think he just said hi, like I got it. I came out of the bathroom and he was standing there like. Eating. And he was just like, hi, and that was it.
[00:07:50] And then he extended his arms open for a hug, which was. Bold, but my body went, he read my body language accurately. I was looking for connection. I was in a very [00:08:00] feminine, open place. It was a friends giving party. I didn't know, have any objectives, hug strangers, maybe don't have strangers Navy, especially during COVID, although I would say or something, but, um, but yeah, like my, my body language had it all over me.
[00:08:15] Like I was open for connection. Like I said it, yeah. Um, my torso was open. Like my upper torso was very open, so he just, he went for it. And that's another thing being willing to be rejected, like having the confidence to be willing to be rejected, goes a very long way, especially in 2021 where everyone hides behind the screen.
[00:08:36] Like I had someone also not so long ago, like ask me out mid conversation. It completely threw me off guard, but I was just like, That was very attractive. Cause he just waited. He was so unattached to the outcome. He was just like, yeah. So do you want to go out for dinner next week? And I like was so thrown off and I started giggling cause I got nervous and he just stood there with like a straight face body language did not flinch, not even once a month.
[00:09:03] It's like in sales,
[00:09:04] Colin Stuckert: [00:09:04] you give him the price. He shut up.
[00:09:06] Elsa Moreck: [00:09:06] He just shut up. You squirm. He let me squirm. I was so my face turns red. His cause he's like a district attorney I turned around. I didn't know how to respond because I was just like, I haven't had someone do this, like on the spot long time. Yeah. He just waited and waited and waited.
[00:09:24] And then finally I was like, okay. And he was like, great, what day? It was just like, so straight face. Like, nah, it was amazing. So I think like being willing to be rejected.
[00:09:37] Colin Stuckert: [00:09:37] I've heard that though. Yeah. But. You hear that in every probably dating book or whatever, like it's very common advice, but how do you get there?
[00:09:46] Right. That's that's the disconnect because I can walk into a coffee shop and be like, you know what I want to be like, or I'm okay with being rejected, you know? But there's still my inner primal ego protection and self that is like trying to not be [00:10:00] rejected, especially in a public place, which is even more dangerous for the ego.
[00:10:04] So what. Maybe you've seen with clients, uh, certain strategies probably work for some people other than others. Right. Are there any ways to practice. Getting to rejection or like getting rejected and maybe like a lower, easier
[00:10:17] Elsa Moreck: [00:10:17] way you could practice online on dating apps. That's
[00:10:22] Colin Stuckert: [00:10:22] fine. Just like FaceTime.
[00:10:24] Elsa Moreck: [00:10:24] If you can, if you, if you can evolve a connection from a dating app to FaceTime, which honestly you ought to be before you get a real date. Yeah. Uh, then that's your opportunity when you're on FaceTime, you could practice that's low stakes, or even when you're on the dating app itself, like that's, but at the same time, it's kind of like getting into a cold plunge.
[00:10:48] Like you just have to deal with. The shitty first minute, like there's just no way around it. Like we could talk about it all day long. Yeah. Do all the breath work. You can do all the preparation. You could wear the wetsuit, but at the end of the day, it's going to be fucking freezing. And that first minute is super uncomfortable.
[00:11:05] But then after that, you're so proud of yourself and the more you do it, these are guests and the more you do it, the easier it gets. And it's the same thing with asking someone out like, yeah, it's not going to be fun to be rejected, but successful people don't shy away from what's uncomfortable or what's scary.
[00:11:19] They just do it and they deal with it. And if it comes with negative repercussions, meaning you do get rejected and it's embarrassing. You just keep going and you do it again and again and again and again, and eventually you will get a yes. Now that doesn't mean like, if your strategy sucks that you shouldn't look at it, like if you're just actively repelling a woman, because of the way that you're asking about don't keep doing that, hoping that you're going to get exactly.
[00:11:40] Don't get addicted to rejection, but like, if you genuinely observed her body language, she seemed open for a conversation. You went up, you added value to her. Maybe you asked her. Like what she was working on, or you asked her how she was feeling that day, or maybe you complimented her for a book. She was reading, maybe not necessarily just [00:12:00] complimenting on her, her on how she looks, because I'm going to get that all the time.
[00:12:04] And you, and you, and you like focused on. Making her feel good in the interaction. And then at some point you felt confident enough to be like, well, Hey, like we could sit here talking for the next 15 minutes or I could just ask you out, would you be open to that? There's a really good spot, whatever, whatever.
[00:12:22] And then she says, no, You feel like you can't be attached to that because all the signs were there, everything was working in your favor. It's just like sales. Like if, if everything seems like it's going to lead to a sale, you can't really get upset with yourself. If you don't end up closing the sale.
[00:12:37] Cause that has everything to do with the other person and where they're at. And it's the same thing with that. But if you're just coming out of nowhere, And like walking up to girls and like expecting to be able to ask them out. And then you keep getting the similar reactions of like, uh, no then there's something in you that you can work on.
[00:12:56] Colin Stuckert: [00:12:56] Sales strategy gets you to the same common objection. Every time you probably want to be analyzing that process and tweaking it. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's men now, women. Now I've talked to you before about this and I've, and I've been. I've read a lot of the books and everything like, so I'm just trying to think of a question, I guess, for me, I still have some of those innate ideas around what I try to think what they're thinking or I feel like I do, I might feel like I'm inconveniencing them or whatever.
[00:13:24] Um, what are some of the psycho like, what's the inner workings of the female mind that guys, aside from that inconveniencing one, like. I don't know what, what are some things that we can really understand about, about like the inner role for, for women? Because I, I feel like it's shifted. I feel like it used to be men had more of a dominant thing in society and it was like, they led the way and that was common and women wanted, but now it seems like some of the power has shifted with some of the, you know, different things that have happened.
[00:13:50] And it seems like women are more, the guys are more intimidated by women and, but that's also combination with them just being more, more pansy about it. But I can say I'm not a pansy, I'm a confident type. A [00:14:00] and if I get in my head too much, I will create these kind of not great narratives that will just end up me not taking action, but on those days where I don't think like that.
[00:14:09] And I just like, say, Hey, or do whatever is so fucking natural.
[00:14:11] Elsa Moreck: [00:14:11] So like,
[00:14:15] Colin Stuckert: [00:14:15] Oh man. Um, I don't know. Well, I feel like sometimes I'm just too focused on work and I feel like if I have to like, think about this too hard, I don't have a good strategy. I'm a little out of practice cause I haven't been dating years.
[00:14:26] Right. So that's kind of something for me. I think I was in it all the time and it was a focus. I would, I would get good at it. Right. Because I have the growth mindset. If I work at it, I'll get good at it. I know that. Right. But I want to get good at it. And not have to invest a ton of time at the same time.
[00:14:39] So I guess I'm always looking for those subtle things. Like, I will say that saying hi, more often opening people first, just turning a smile and say, Hey, if they sit down and doesn't have to be a big deal, I don't feel like talk to them or bother them, let them do their thing. Or maybe I talk to him later, that kind of shit when I do that regularly game changer.
[00:14:55] Right. But I still feel like. I don't always fully understand the hit. This is what it is. The stranger female, the one, I don't know. I don't know her. I don't understand her, but I'm around women in my life all the time. And like, I have a clear, easy understanding with people. I know, family, friends, whatever.
[00:15:12] Right. But it's that person, I don't know, you know? There's a question in there somewhere. Do you just tell me what? Yeah.
[00:15:18] Elsa Moreck: [00:15:18] I mean, I think what I'm hearing is that I can't predict what she's going to say. So I don't want to take the risk of
[00:15:25] Colin Stuckert: [00:15:25] inconveniencing her and, or maybe like a harsh rejection, even though I've never been hard to project in my life because I think 99% of women don't want to embarrass you.
[00:15:35] So even if they don't want you to talk to them, they're going to be nice. So it's this weird idea of like this false. Um, fear that actually doesn't happen.
[00:15:43] Elsa Moreck: [00:15:43] Yeah. I'm going to take it back to sales because that's what keeps coming up for me. Cause I have that same resistance sometimes around sales where it's like someone has.
[00:15:52] Followed my content. And they've told me that they love what I've been posting and that it's been resonating and it's hitting home and they're just so miserable in their dating life. [00:16:00] And they're so tired of the same patterns. They're giving me all the signs of like, okay, this person wants to be closed.
[00:16:06] And yet still there's like some resistance when I'm scheduling that call on the calendar. And I think it's because we're afraid to receive. Afraid to receive or were afraid of what would actually happen if what we wanted actually comes true.
[00:16:21] Colin Stuckert: [00:16:21] Okay. Now you're, now you're getting me excited, slash curious.
[00:16:24] Right? So I believe that people do sabotage their results in life. They have limiting beliefs and I believe, especially with money, I've seen it. I've seen it all like friends, family. Like if, if you don't believe you deserve to have money, you always find a way to sabotage yourself. Right. And as somebody that's built everything I have from scratch and I still hit rope, like the hurdles, like I get it.
[00:16:42] But I don't feel like I would be afraid if I talked to a girl and she was perceptive and escalated. That would make me happy. I don't like, and I have no, I have to like limit banks around
[00:16:53] Elsa Moreck: [00:16:53] it, but making money would make you happy too. Wouldn't it like? I mean, for me sales I'm so. I'm on a high, when I close someone and beyond the money, it's the idea that I was able to impact them enough to want to make an investment in themselves.
[00:17:07] And that's huge, but the steps leading up to that always have resistance,
[00:17:12] Colin Stuckert: [00:17:12] but you said you were afraid of receiving. So what do you, so how does that apply in a, in that, in the dating talking context, because if
[00:17:19] Elsa Moreck: [00:17:19] she says, yes, How cool would that be that this stranger, that you didn't even know 25 minutes ago, who is attractive and through a short conversation, you find out that she's also smart and she's interesting, and there's a whole world behind her that you're excited to explore.
[00:17:36] And she wants to share that with you. Like how, how amazing would that be? And is there like, can you not see that same resistance translating in that area? I'm asking if the answer's no, it's
[00:17:50] Colin Stuckert: [00:17:50] not. I, um, I think there, I think that's worth exploring. I don't, I'd have to think about that more
[00:17:57] Elsa Moreck: [00:17:57] because that's what I see. I see [00:18:00] some very high quality men. Afraid of inconveniencing women. And I'll use Austin as an example in a city where women are dying to meet high quality.
[00:18:12] Colin Stuckert: [00:18:12] But that's funny because you hear everyone say how the dating scene so terrible and this and that. And they complain and everyone's on the
[00:18:16] Elsa Moreck: [00:18:16] apps or whatever everyone sees what they want to see.
[00:18:19] Everyone sees what they want to see. And that's just, that's how they don't want to spend. That's the nature of reality. Like that's literally the nature of reality. We're constantly. Choosing what we think about something. And then the circumstances are shaping themselves around that belief. And then we're saying to ourselves, see, I told you it was, and it's usually
[00:18:35] Colin Stuckert: [00:18:35] to protect the ego in some way.
[00:18:36] And it's usually because you see what protects you and your narrative of yourself. And you don't see the things that challenged like, well, maybe I'm not good at this, or maybe I need to do more of that. Or maybe I need to put myself out there
[00:18:46] Elsa Moreck: [00:18:46] or maybe she wasn't the right girl. Like, instead of saying like all women XYZ talking, I was talking to a guy friend yesterday who was like, yeah, Women just don't appreciate, um, you know, when I take them out and they like, and I was like, no, that woman didn't appreciate it that night when you took her out.
[00:19:07] Yeah. It's one woman. Yep. So it's the same thing. Like if you're at a coffee shop and you get rejected, that woman at that coffee shop rejected you that time, but it doesn't mean that every single other woman is not open for money fixed
[00:19:19] Colin Stuckert: [00:19:19] mindset. So that is when you, when you start making a statement, it's a victim mindset too.
[00:19:22] Totally. Yeah.
[00:19:23] Elsa Moreck: [00:19:23] So I it's, it's your energy women are so perceptive. They can feel your energy a mile away. And that's why they sent her insecurities. They send her insecurities. And that's why, what you say doesn't really matter, right? As long as you are so full of yourself, I love saying full of yourself.
[00:19:41] Cause it has like a, supposed to have a negative connotation, but I am so full of myself because I would rather not. I'd rather be full of no one else, but anyway, when you're so full of yourself and that's how you carry out your interactions, I pretty much decided 10 years ago that I could have. Any man I wanted, [00:20:00] like, I just, I pretty much like I committed that to my belief system.
[00:20:04] I know it sounds arrogant. No,
[00:20:05] Colin Stuckert: [00:20:05] no, wait, wait, I'm curious about this. Okay. What was the impetus around that? And I, and I want to tell you how I've thought too, which is interesting. So my mindset is that I've thought about this with like celebrities, like really attract celebrities. I'd always think, Oh, there's no way or whatever.
[00:20:19] Then thinking myself, every female that I've ever gotten to know intimately and on that level, I have I do I have a Supreme confidence in myself. Like I can just, I can make them crazy about me basically, right on accident, not even trying. And I'm like, if I could get through that barrier of like you're famous and high status and I'm nobody, but if we kind of got to that point, it wouldn't matter that shit would be gone.
[00:20:41] So I do have that confidence there, but the translation to like everyday life and the things we're talking about it doesn't fully get there. So why did you say 10 years ago that you'd have any man you want, what was the impetus behind that?
[00:20:53] Elsa Moreck: [00:20:53] I was just so confident. Is there
[00:20:56] Colin Stuckert: [00:20:56] a reason in, like, were you not confident before you naturally got to
[00:20:59] Elsa Moreck: [00:20:59] that point?
[00:21:00] I was not confident before when I, I was not confident before. Yeah. I struggled a lot when I was, when I growing up, I was really chubby. And I was really chubby. And then, um, I lost all that, like baby fat around like 13, the age of 13, 14. And I had just moved from Lebanon and the middle East to Japan and got to Japan so different than everyone else.
[00:21:26] I had this like big ass curly, frizzy hair, um, big nose, like skinny scrawny, middle Eastern chick uni brow, like everything working against me in terms of how I looked. And here I am at this American school in Japan, surrounded by like beautiful Asian women, which was like the beauty standard there, because everyone was like from the Philippines, Hawaii, Thailand, Korea, like that was the, that was the beauty standard that I was competing with straight hair
[00:21:53] Colin Stuckert: [00:21:53] higher, like higher.
[00:21:55] So she socioeconomic, like, was it a private school or something or
[00:21:59] Elsa Moreck: [00:21:59] no, it was not a [00:22:00] private, well, it was, uh, um, my parents are in the military they're civilians in the military, so it was like the. The school for the military kids, international international students. Yeah. But the majority of people who were there were Asian.
[00:22:15] So there, there, there are definitely some Americans there, there was a, a big American crowd, but there wasn't a middle Eastern community. It was mostly Asians. So like all, most of my closest friends are mixed. With something that's Asian, whether it's Korean or Chinese or Japanese. So like that's the beauty standard.
[00:22:32] It was like small nose, straight hair, um, fair skin and like super skinny, petite, petite. Yeah. And that was nothing that I looked like, like that was literally the polar opposite of how I looked. So at first I fought it, like I would like force my hair to straighten. Straighten my hair. I would wear a shit ton, eyeliner to make my eyes look smaller.
[00:22:51] I overslept my eyebrows over plucked my eyebrows, like try to be super thin. And like I tried all the different things to like mold myself into. Someone that I just never can be like, there's literally no middle Eastern girl and an Asian girl, they look so different. And it was, I was trying so hard to fight against my natural tendencies to look like something else so that I could be attractive to men.
[00:23:14] And on top of that, I had a very thick accent when I spoke English. So I just like, nothing was working out for me and I can't, and I was just nerdy. Like, I was just really good at math and like, I just wasn't cool. I didn't know how to smoke. I didn't drink. I, my parents were very strict Lebanese parents, so like, I just grew up, all I wanted was attention.
[00:23:33] Like I just wanted guys to look at me and I was such a nobody. And it was like, it was so hurtful. Cause I'd look at these there's this one girl named Gina and she was half Japanese, half white. And she was so popular. She liked M and M. She wore black nail Polish. She like, every guy wanted her and she was just like so smooth and she smoked and she drank.
[00:23:57] And she was like, I mean, terrible role model. Now when I look back at it, but [00:24:00] like at the time it was like, Oh, she's so cool. And like, she had so much freedom to do whatever she wanted. She was always hanging out after school in any way. Like I was. So I remember at lunch one day with my friends, I was like, I wonder how it feels like.
[00:24:13] To know that you can have any guy you like in class. Like they just all like you and my friends would just, they they'd be like, why do you care? Why do you think about that? And I'd be like, I don't know. It must be nice though. And so like, I, it didn't, it wasn't until ninth grade. That I finally started to assimilate.
[00:24:34] Colin Stuckert: [00:24:34] So this experience with Gina was middle
[00:24:36] Elsa Moreck: [00:24:36] grade sixth grade. So it wasn't until
[00:24:38] Colin Stuckert: [00:24:38] ninth grade to where you have a lot of transition between high school and middle school.
[00:24:42] Elsa Moreck: [00:24:42] Yeah. So ninth grade, I don't know something happened. I guess I have a lot of will, you know me, like if I, when I'm, when I put my mind to something and that's, my challenge actually is putting my mind to the right things because I have no problem in implementing.
[00:24:55] And I'm a very powerful manifestor when I decide what I want. So like for me, the biggest challenge is often prioritizing and knowing what to put my mind to. But anyway, at the time I put my mind toward becoming popular. And being desired by guys like that was, that was the goal. Whether or not it was worthy.
[00:25:12] That that was the goal at the time. And it worked like, I just, I learned what works. I learned that if I showed more skin, if I did my makeup a certain way, um, I stopped fighting my hair. I was like, I just got to embrace it. It's curly. That's just how it's going to be. Um, started learning how to like style my hair, um, started like going out more and lying to my parents and like doing what I needed to do to be noticed by guys.
[00:25:37] And then I just got really good at it because just like anything else that you practiced, it did build my confidence. Yeah. Because it felt good to be chosen. It felt good to be, to be chosen.
[00:25:49] Colin Stuckert: [00:25:49] Did you outgrow that? Because you know, there's a level between like you get to this point where you get external validation, right.
[00:25:56] And then that might help you get to that level with the level you really want to get to. Is that internal [00:26:00] validation where it's like, I know this because internally I know this and it's not somebody telling me this.
[00:26:04] Elsa Moreck: [00:26:04] Yes. I think at first it started with external validation. Well, of course,
[00:26:08] Colin Stuckert: [00:26:08] but it says today you are very internally
[00:26:11] Elsa Moreck: [00:26:11] focused, right?
[00:26:12] Because I learned at some point that. If you want to date high-quality people being beautiful is not. Yep. And then I wasn't, and I wasn't interested in merely being beautiful because I knew because I was once an ugly duckling, I never really felt like I was like the naturally beautiful girl. I feel like I was the ugly duckling that had a transformation.
[00:26:32] And I actually feel fortunate about that because I cultivated so many other things in my personality that I have nothing to do with beauty. Like I have so many other interests and so. Being beautiful was just like the cherry on top of the pie. It was like, Oh, and she has that. And so, um, after a while of dating different men and continually being told by them that like, Hey, it's, you're funny and you're smart.
[00:26:57] Like, it's, it's so cool. How you have these other characteristics to your personality and you're not just a pretty girl. You don't expect that. Exactly. So I, something just caught on for me. And I was like, I need to be investing in my inner world just as much as I do in my outer, um, my outer appearance.
[00:27:13] And that is what started building that internal confidence because now I feel really good about who I am regardless of how I look. And that just gets to be like the added bonus. But to your question, like, no, it was not always that way, but yes, it is that way now, but it's also a story that I've chosen to believe.
[00:27:29] And it's part of why I wanted to become a dating coach because I know that. Walking around in the world, believing that a healthy relationship is at the next turn. I know that that's not easy. I know that's not an easy belief be able to have,
[00:27:45] Colin Stuckert: [00:27:45] especially if you have past experience that proves that that's not the common thing.
[00:27:50] Elsa Moreck: [00:27:50] It's totally, I get how challenging it can be. I have clients who are multiple seven figure business owners, and they've mastered every kind of [00:28:00] mindset block when it comes to money, but they still struggle. Believing that there is one woman or one man in all of Austin or whatever city they live in, that's going to be interested in them.
[00:28:13] And it bought, it boggles my mind because I'm like, man, if we could just channel some of that confidence from your career to your dating life, like things would change so fast. And that's, that's the work that we do. That's the work we, we help them have the same confidence. Because they've already broken through so many other mindset blocks, and this is just one more mindset block.
[00:28:35] Colin Stuckert: [00:28:35] So as an entrepreneur and somebody that's always been driven to success, I've been, I've always tried to become aware of why, like why, why do I need to feel like I need this? And I thought the other day, I'm like, why do I like. I had this feeling that I'm not doing enough for my life. And like, you know, I'm doing quite a bit of stuff.
[00:28:50] Right. And like, I, you know, a million dollar comedy, blah, blah, blah. But I just feel like it's not enough. I'm not challenged enough for, you know, and I'm on, I'm moving on to the next thing. But I was like, why, what am I trying to prove? Like, what game, if I had a million dollar or 10 million, would it matter if I had, if I had a billion, would I be competing with like the billionaires in front of me?
[00:29:06] Like, so I like to be aware of that, but what I've seen with a lot of entrepreneurs is. At least, I think for me, this is part of it. We pursue success like external success as really ate a mating strategy to raise our value. Right. And to kind of prove that we're good in this way or that way or whatever.
[00:29:25] So you have a spectrum, you have people that are like literally compensating for like childhood trauma of not being good enough. And then you have people that like, um, there's a whole spectrum. Some is healthier. Some it's not, I think I have a pretty healthy. Balance. And I'm trying to be aware of that. So I don't become too obsessive cause that could easily happen.
[00:29:41] Um, but a lot of the very driven people have some kind of compensation mechanism built into entrepreneurship. So that's my observation with that, but I, but I do have a specific question for you. So we, the question was about females in the female. Psychology. What about Elsa? What does it take to like impress [00:30:00] you or what's going on in your mind?
[00:30:02] Are you being super critical and as a woman, but also as a dating coach, like people like maybe that intimidates people, right? Like, because maybe they think you're being too critical of everything they do or say because you know, the best way in or whatever, what's it like? Um, when somebody is really just.
[00:30:17] Impressing you, or like sweeping you off your feet. And is it falling into those standard dating things you recommend or sometimes is it unexpected? The things that impress you or like, you know, tell me a little more about that.
[00:30:29] Elsa Moreck: [00:30:29] No. That's a great question. I have, I've had so many people ask me what it's like dating a dating coach, and I'm always like, what makes you think I have the answer?
[00:30:38] I'm not dating me, but in any case, I think what I want to, I want to think about it actually. I
[00:30:44] Colin Stuckert: [00:30:44] don't want to just, and, but it's also Elsa. It's not just that it's not just a dating coach. It's also, it's also, yeah,
[00:30:51] Elsa Moreck: [00:30:51] honestly, I I'm impressed by someone who is. Truly a match for my highest self. Like I know what behavior is.
[00:31:01] My highest self engages in. And for me, my highest self is someone who wakes up early, goes to bed early, wakes up early. So these are your
[00:31:10] Colin Stuckert: [00:31:10] values, right? So matching
[00:31:12] Elsa Moreck: [00:31:12] values, values honored her morning. Routine believes in herself, um, works through whatever mindset blocks are getting in the way of what she knows to be.
[00:31:22] It's her dream versus fixed mindset. Yes. Growth mindset for sure. Growth mindset,
[00:31:26] Colin Stuckert: [00:31:26] maybe values around money and how you spend your time, how you work, how you play,
[00:31:30] Elsa Moreck: [00:31:30] et cetera. For me, making a lot of money is just an extension of. Believing in yourself enough to do things the best way possible. Like knowing that you deserve it too.
[00:31:42] Yes. You deserve it. And knowing its impact because the more, the more people that you help. The more impact you make. And so someone else who's on board with that is definitely impressive. Like someone who understands that it's not just about making money so that you can buy a big house. It's about, although that's [00:32:00] a part of it, but it's also like how much impact can I make and how can I be the best at what I do, which isn't easy by the way.
[00:32:07] Colin Stuckert: [00:32:07] It's not, that's mastering. A lot of people don't go into entrepreneurship for master. They go into entrepreneurship to make money, to like try to impress people. They don't know where like, and to play some status game. Right. And that's a very dangerous game to play.
[00:32:18] Elsa Moreck: [00:32:18] I agree. Yeah. I find, I find the people that do what it takes to master something to be extremely attractive because they're not the common person.
[00:32:29] They're the person who is going to bed at eight o'clock at night to get up at 4:00 AM to, um, Exercise in the morning when everyone's asleep, they're the people who don't drink as much alcohol, or maybe even any alcohol. They're the people that sacrifice short term pleasure for long-term gain. But here's
[00:32:49] Colin Stuckert: [00:32:49] the thing about sacrifices.
[00:32:50] I've thought about this. I wasn't a drinker or partier ever. And so like when I moved to Austin, I was like, I should go out more. Like I was kind of forcing myself a little bit, but it always felt a little in-congruent. I don't go to like loud bars and like, sit, like, it's just not my thing. Right. I've thought about people that use the word sacrifice.
[00:33:07] So they're like, you know, you see all entrepreneurship, like self-help, uh, Instagram inspirational, bullshit, right? Like it's like, Oh, are you going to like say no to your friends and drinking and stay home, grinding away on your keyboard or whatever. And there's some truth to that. Like, but it's not a sacrifice.
[00:33:23] It, you want to do that thing because you know that it's going to get you to your goals. So it's actually exactly what you want to do. Well, you not drinking is exactly what you want to do. Right. And I think when, when, like, unless it's really truly internalized, it's just forced. And that's why people like they wax and wane.
[00:33:41] And like, they're not like those true hardcore entrepreneurs, at least an entrepreneurial perspective. I mean, you know, but it's like if I don't go drinking with friends, even though it sounds really enticing because I'm working on my goals or I'm saving money or whatever. That's because I want to do that.
[00:33:53] I think that's important to, to say so. So for some people seems like a sacrifice, but for someone like me, it's the FA it's exactly where I want to be.
[00:34:01] [00:34:00] Elsa Moreck: [00:34:01] Well, that's the, those are the types of men that impress me, the ones who are doing things very differently.
[00:34:08] Colin Stuckert: [00:34:08] So you've had you've dated men like that.
[00:34:14] Elsa Moreck: [00:34:14] Uh, I, I mean, I'm dating one right now, like
[00:34:16] Colin Stuckert: [00:34:16] that.
[00:34:17] Have you dated any in the past that have been similar or have most of your past relationships? Maybe been a little in congruent and that's why
[00:34:23] Elsa Moreck: [00:34:23] I would say they were not in congruent for who I was at the time. That's the thing they weren't in here. That's why, like, when you asked me, I, I said that. The man who impresses me is the one who was a match from the highest version of myself, which at the time, which is always changing.
[00:34:40] Right. But like right now, the highest version of myself as someone who is ruthlessly committed to manifesting her dream goal, which is to impact as many people as possible and helping them level up in their love life. And. The match for my highest self right now looks like that looks like the guy who is not out drinking the guy who is working on himself every single day, because he has a growth mindset and he wants to be the best at everything that he does, including how he shows up in a relationship.
[00:35:10] That's what I find impressive. So it's. That answer might change in five years or in three years. But right now that's what the match is for my highest self.
[00:35:19] Colin Stuckert: [00:35:19] So how do we take that? Understanding that you've identified in yourself and like this, this thing is massive. Self-awareness for you, right? And like anybody that wants to think like this, but this also isn't like an elitist thing.
[00:35:29] Like that's who you are. That's what you're trying to achieve. That can change in the future. Maybe it changes if you want a family or whatever. Right. And your values might shift a little bit, but somebody that is an entrepreneur isn't any lesser, it's just a different life path. It's you have different values, like how you wanna spend your time, how you enjoy yourself, how you have fun, whatever everybody's got their own flavor.
[00:35:48] So how do we take some of those principles that, that you've used to identify? Who that person is right for you and apply it to somebody who's just like, they just want, you know, a stable relationship [00:36:00] to eventually have kids and they work a nine to five and like, you know, like how do we, how do they think about that maybe?
[00:36:05] Or maybe some principles or strategies that they can use to identify like what their values are so that they can then manifest that in and attract the correct
[00:36:12] Elsa Moreck: [00:36:12] mate? Yeah, I think the easiest way to do it is instead of thinking about what kind of person. Would impress me or what kind of person do I want really think about?
[00:36:22] Like, what's your highest self look like? Do you know, like ha like, like really, like what, how does your ideal, how does your highest self spend their day,
[00:36:31] Colin Stuckert: [00:36:31] but is that person living that though, too? Because as for some people higher self is like aspirational and it's like a lot of goals they don't ever get there.
[00:36:38] They just like having them. So I, you know, I would be careful if someone's like, well, my ideal self is like this person that, that is amazing, but I don't wake up and ever do anything to, to be that person. Right. So like, that would be in congruent if you found somebody on that level and you're not
[00:36:52] Elsa Moreck: [00:36:52] well, You can't do that version of your current
[00:36:55] Colin Stuckert: [00:36:55] self or something like that.
[00:36:57] Elsa Moreck: [00:36:57] I would say you can't do that exercise if you're not planning to level up. Like you can't, if you don't like where you're at in your dating life and you don't like the type of people that you're attracting and you think that, and you attract someone who is exactly like that, you're not going anywhere.
[00:37:11] You're going to stay exactly as you are. So I would say this exercise is only relevant for the person who recognizes that they have room to grow too.
[00:37:19] Colin Stuckert: [00:37:19] So my, yeah, my devil's advocate question is what about the people that don't have room to grow, but I don't recommend that for anybody, like, because everybody should be growing, but maybe let's see a better way to maybe frame the question.
[00:37:28] Um, what if, what about somebody. That has they they've, they've identified their values. They don't care about making a bunch of money, but they want like a family and, you know, they have a good job. They like their job. Like, so, you know, they're, they're relatively fulfilled in a lot of different areas and like, yeah.
[00:37:44] I mean, assume everybody's got a little bit of work to do, right. But let's assume because this is reality. A lot of people have a mean throughout life and they call it regression to their means. So you get excited at January 1st and you're back to your mean on March. That's a standard goal setting, new year's resolution that everybody falls into.
[00:37:57] What about for that person, [00:38:00] that their career is pretty set and they know what they're doing. Right. And they know they want a family. They want a few kids, one, two, whatever. How do they establish, like, That ideal person, I guess, like what, what are some exercises for that?
[00:38:14] Elsa Moreck: [00:38:14] I have an acronym that I took from a woman named spirit.
[00:38:18] She is a therapist. I found her online a while back and she says, choose a relationship that rises. Hmm. So the acronym is rises and it stands for. Recreational intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and sexual intimacy. So for someone like that, I would recommend sitting down and writing out what that looks like for you.
[00:38:42] What do I like to do recreationally? What do I like to talk about intellectually? What are my spiritual beliefs and practices emotionally, emotionally speaking. What is my ideal? Like how do I like to communicate? How often do I like to communicate? Um, and then sexually, like what, what am I into sexually?
[00:38:58] And then identifying what that looks like for you and then finding someone who matches that. And then when you are going out on dates, it probably would be a really good idea when you come back from a date to sit down and write out that acronym and, and see how many of those categories that other person matched for you.
[00:39:15] Like, do they seem like they'd be someone that you could enjoy spending time with because you have similar interests? Do they seem like someone that you can have really good conversations with? Did their spiritual beliefs align. Do they want the same things? Long-term so that, that could be another way of quantifying
[00:39:30] Colin Stuckert: [00:39:30] that those in congruences in certain, because we have to be careful with putting people in a check by check box, right.
[00:39:38] Because there's a lot of like, you know, opposites do attract to an extent, but. There's there's I feel like there's a cap on that. Like, like they, like, if you, if your values and certain things, like the big things are like, off-kilter, you're, it's not going to work, but that's pretty well established. But if you have like similar values in like big things, but maybe certain things.
[00:39:55] Like some people like to go out drinking some don't like, that's probably reconciled to some [00:40:00] extent. So how do you like work through
[00:40:01] Elsa Moreck: [00:40:01] those things? For sure. So compatibility isn't having the same interests. It's just enjoying spending time together. Even if it looks different for both people. So, yeah, compatibility does not mean that we both like to sit down and watch sports.
[00:40:14] Like if your partner likes sports and you hate sports, that's totally fine. You can still be compatible. Compatibility is more about like when we are spending time together, it doesn't mesh. Does it vibe, do we both gain value out of it? Do we both feel energized when we spend time together? That's more so what compatibility means and that's just one marker.
[00:40:31] That's recreational intimacy. There's still a whole other list of markers.
[00:40:35] Colin Stuckert: [00:40:35] Well, what are the big things that are usually not reconciled that like you, because. I read a book recently, 30 lessons for life. It's amazing. Everybody should read it. And they've been th the book premises. He went to what he called experts, which are 80, 90 year olds in nursing homes, basically at the end of their life.
[00:40:51] And he's like, you're a pro at life. You've seen everything. You've done everything. I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions about life, and I'm going to pull the data together. And it's a very insightful book, right? So one of the things that he says that everyone says all the experts, he calls them are you have to have the same values.
[00:41:07] Right. But I think you have to be careful with that because. Like when I think of value, I think kind of like a re like a, kind of a bigger thing that matters. Like money's a big thing that causes a lot of relationship issues, whether you want kids or not. It's a big thing, like health and food, like for someone like me is massive, right.
[00:41:21] And somebody that wants to eat junk food, they're like fucking that shit's not working. Right. Um, but for some people, it might not matter. So how do we figure out what some of that wiggle room is? And I know this, gee, this is getting a little bit more into the relationship realm, but do you help people go through that?
[00:41:35] And like, do you have some insight into that? Or was it more just like a, you're trying to get that spark going and then they got to figure out the relationship part in there.
[00:41:41] Elsa Moreck: [00:41:41] Well, we're trying to get the spark going, but we're trying to get the spark going with someone who's a fuck. Yes. Ma'am
[00:41:46] Colin Stuckert: [00:41:46] right, right.
[00:41:47] So are there any of those values that are, or some of those things that like there's more wiggle wiggle room? Cause like what about those opposites attract? Like, I've seen that. Before with people, you know, it
[00:41:57] Elsa Moreck: [00:41:57] depends on what your opposite on though. Like [00:42:00] if your opposite on one person is set on becoming, um, multimillionaire and the other person thinks money is evil.
[00:42:07] That's okay. Right.
[00:42:08] Colin Stuckert: [00:42:08] That's a huge value.
[00:42:10] Elsa Moreck: [00:42:10] Yeah. Or if you're someone who like wakes up every morning at 5:00 AM and do you have a whole routine and the other person hasn't even heard of meditation or thinks they should one day maybe sit down and try it. That also might be a huge value class,
[00:42:23] Colin Stuckert: [00:42:23] but that's maybe in that, that's actually a good example because I feel like something like that, a preference of habit, um, like just because you're into meditation, doesn't mean they need to be in a
[00:42:32] Elsa Moreck: [00:42:32] meditation.
[00:42:33] It's important. What trajectory they're on? Are they on a trajectory where they are going to. Are they on a trajectory where they're going to continually grow, because if you're someone who has a growth mindset and you're constantly evolving, you're going to outgrow every, you're going to outgrow every single person you date.
[00:42:49] If they're not on a trajectory of growth
[00:42:51] Colin Stuckert: [00:42:51] or at least able to support you in like, respect it. Right. I've seen if somebody doesn't understand entrepreneur, like one of my ex-girlfriends, she would like get jealous of my work. It's like, you're not, you're not spending time on me. You're wasting, I'm building my future here.
[00:43:05] What the fuck? Building
[00:43:07] Elsa Moreck: [00:43:07] my future, which is going to positively impact you.
[00:43:09] Colin Stuckert: [00:43:09] Exactly. So I couldn't, I couldn't understand it. Right. But it was just one of those things. And so that was a huge thing for me, especially the men, like men need to live their life and they need to be supported or it's never going to work.
[00:43:19] That's a huge value thing, especially for men. It's like, but if, but at my current partner, she wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She doesn't want to work at all. And you know, I've, I've kind of accepted cause it's. It's weird for me to like, accept that somebody doesn't want to work. I still feel like everybody should do something, but I've kind of eventually accepted, like, okay, I get that.
[00:43:39] Like it's for women, it's different. It's a once in a lifetime thing, then, then they grow up and whatever. So now I'm working to actively give her that because I've like, but I've never fought her either. I've just kinda made me like, try to nudge her to do some stuff. But now I'm to the point where I don't even need to do that.
[00:43:51] And I fully support that, but that's also because she fully supports. If I say, Hey, babe, I need an hour to edit this video before dinner. And I know that it's just you with [00:44:00] two boys and you could use the help. And I sometimes feel guilty with that. She's like, she's like, you know, tell my son, like, you know, he's got to work, but we'll, he'll be done a little bit and we'll do dinner or whatever.
[00:44:10] And if I didn't have that, like home, my God, that would like, I know that it's a huge thing. So I was trying to go over and think about, I guess it's like supporting someone and what they're trying to do and really understanding what they're doing and like being on the same board. Is is one thing. And that's like almost a must.
[00:44:26] It doesn't mean you have to be an entrepreneur though, to like, be married to an entrepreneur, a date one or whatever, or like, uh, somebody is into yoga. If you're not into yoga, you should at least support the yoga practice if that's what they're really into, but you don't have to do yoga once in your life, if you don't want to.
[00:44:38] And I think that can still work. I think people think they have to be like both be yogis, but I've actually seen people that are like that, that strong same interests. Usually not work out because some in some weird ways, like they're almost too similar in something that matters. It's almost better to have like your core passion be like a little bit different and maybe ways complimentary because sometimes too much of the same can like oppose I've found out.
[00:44:59] Elsa Moreck: [00:44:59] Well. Yeah. And the example you gave, it sounds like partnership. Cause it sounds like two people coming together and playing the roles in a way that compliments what they both want as a couple and what they both want individually. So that's different, but I'm more so saying, like the example that I gave about meditation was more about like one person, um, having a connection to spirituality and one person like really believing that they are the creator of their destiny.
[00:45:28] Really believing that like everything. I mean, you talk about this all the time. Like having 100% accountability, not 99% of having a hundred percent accountability, one person in the relationship living in a way where they take 100% accountability for their life, but the other person blaming circumstances, or always looking to the outside to confirm how they feel on the inside that won't work.
[00:45:49] And I've been in that model of relationships before. Where, like I was set on controlling every circumstance that I possibly could, because I knew that if I changed my behavior, I could [00:46:00] change my entire world, but my partner was constantly looking to the news or to like all these other external factors.
[00:46:08] So it had nothing to do with the fact that I sat down with my legs crossed. And my eye mask on every day. And I did this thing called meditation for 30 minutes and he didn't, it wasn't about that. Wasn't the problem. The problem was that we looked at the world very differently and we approach life very differently.
[00:46:24] So when I was with him, I, in order to support his view of the world, I had to oppose mine. And I had a really big problem with that and vice versa because when I would try to invite him to think about the ways that he did have control, it was offensive almost because it was like, excuse me, Like I'm over here trying to sit in my victim hood and, and, and, and be okay with the fact that there's nothing I can do to change my circumstances.
[00:46:47] And you're challenging that, which. First of all him being the man and me being the woman like that in and of itself is like not very comfortable dynamic when you challenge that. But in an, in reverse, it, it reached a point where I was like, well, am I in control of my destiny? Am I just too positive? Am I, am I trying to believe something?
[00:47:03] Am I reaching for something that doesn't actually exist? Maybe your beliefs. Yeah. I started limiting my beliefs. Cause you, cause you influenced each other, like you're with each other all the time
[00:47:11] Colin Stuckert: [00:47:11] and you become your environment and you become
[00:47:13] Elsa Moreck: [00:47:13] a people. Exactly. So then. I would start to think to myself, should I be caring more about what's happening in the news?
[00:47:18] Should I be more freaked out? Like should, I don't know. I don't know. And, and, and, and so like, that's what I'm talking about when it comes to kids. Yeah. That's a
[00:47:28] Colin Stuckert: [00:47:28] mindset thing, I think that's, yeah, I think, um, Key for me, keeps coming out of the growth, growth versus fixed mindset and the ownership and victim mindset.
[00:47:36] Like, because these are spectrum here. Like nobody's perfect at not being a victim and feeling bad for themselves. Sometimes nobody has like 100000% ownership of everything, but you can kind of strive for that and you can always be kind of open to that. Um, but. If, but yeah, like if one person is like, generally in that victim, kind of like external area and one's kind of in that like growth, I have control no it's called locus [00:48:00] of control.
[00:48:00] That's what it is. When you become a victim, you remove your locus of control. It changes your entire fucking life. Everything you do in your life, every decision you make. You look at the world differently. And when you have a strong locus of control, which every successful person that's self-made in the planet does because you need it to believe.
[00:48:15] You need to have faith that if I work hard or I do something, I will get an outcome. And that becomes the way you view the world. That is a huge thing that I think most people probably never even identify when they're going into a relationship. I
[00:48:26] Elsa Moreck: [00:48:26] think growth minded versus fixed mind minded is what we're actually getting at.
[00:48:31] Because even when you think about like fights, like, I remember we'd have arguments and he would say like, I don't know why that just, this just keeps happening to us. Like, it seems like we just, it just seems like we're not a good fit and I'd be like, what do you mean? Like nothing's happening to us. We're happening to each other.
[00:48:47] Like. Or the ones who are choosing to argue in a certain way. We're the ones who are overlooking each other's love language day to day. We're the ones who are choosing to come home and be like, after we've given all of ourselves to the external world, have nothing
[00:49:04] Colin Stuckert: [00:49:04] left. Yeah,
[00:49:05] Elsa Moreck: [00:49:05] something else, right? Yeah. And he kept for the longest time saying, I don't think we're a fit.
[00:49:09] Like we're just not
[00:49:10] Colin Stuckert: [00:49:10] going to manifest that dude, if he keeps saying
[00:49:12] Elsa Moreck: [00:49:12] that. Exactly. Well, that's exactly what happened. So like, so it was so, you know, if you say it long enough, it becomes true, but yeah, it was this, it was this idea that like, this is just us. Like, this is just who we are. This just happens to us.
[00:49:26] And you
[00:49:26] Colin Stuckert: [00:49:26] can't, you can't control
[00:49:28] Elsa Moreck: [00:49:28] it. Right. So many people will blame their horoscope. They'll blame. Like, don't get me started on that. Like the horoscope is why we don't get along. Um, but it just comes down to like, do you want to grow with me? Or am I just going to have to outgrow you? Because I don't know how to be any other way.
[00:49:46] I don't know how to not grow. It's just how I've always, it's just how I've always been. So like, if you're not growing alongside me, then at some point we're going to run into it. Yes.
[00:49:56] Colin Stuckert: [00:49:56] And that's that's, that is a huge value. I think, I think mindset [00:50:00] and the way you view the world. And, and as a value, that's something I hadn't really thought about.
[00:50:05] Like, cause I'm always going down to like money kids, health, like those kind of standard ones, but I've never actually, I think ever heard anybody talk about from a relationship perspective, the importance of your mindset being congruent. Oh my God. This is amazing. We got to build this into the, into the course later on.
[00:50:22] There's gonna be huge. Um, let me get, let me ask you, so we were supposed to do 10 minutes and now we're at, um, So obviously it was a good chat and you had some food in your stomach, so you still did. Okay. I think, but let's wrap it up. So with the question, I was curious, um, you have clients and you work with them, but you're now, you know, you're moving more to a group model.
[00:50:41] Have you had some clients where this mindset thing? I mean, I assume most clients have some mental blocks because like, that's why they're kind of stuck in the first place, but have you had some to where. They kind of have that fixed mindset and it's just so strong that you almost feel like you can't even help them or in like, have you been able to help people like, you know, what some experiences
[00:50:58] Elsa Moreck: [00:50:58] definitely.
[00:50:59] So I've had people it's. Crazy looking back in hindsight, because when I reached the finish line with my clients, they're so growth minded. And so not just growth minded, because I think at some level you have to be growth minded if you're investing in a coach, even if it seems like your fixed mindset.
[00:51:17] Exactly. Exactly. So that spark is always there, but something happens when I reached the finish line with my clients were like, I don't even recognize them anymore because at that point, like they have so much agency over their life. And like their whole energy is different. Like it's, it's so bizarre.
[00:51:38] Colin Stuckert: [00:51:38] They start out with scarcity mindset and they moved to abundance and
[00:51:41] Elsa Moreck: [00:51:41] it's, and it's actually like, I mean, I'm still human. So I still have my days where like I get stuck in a rut and I've, I've built. This world where, when I'm in those places, I have people reflecting back to me, all the things that I've put into them.
[00:51:56] And it's such a beautiful reminder. [00:52:00] Like I've been around clients before where like them explaining to me what they've learned from me and how they're using it is me learning from them. What I taught them in the first place. Like I learned from a student. Yes. I still remember this like, beautiful moment.
[00:52:14] I was walking, um, on the boardwalk with one of my clients and I had just gone through a breakup. And, you know, it's, it's hard to process a breakup when you're a dating coach, because you can't necessarily share it with the world yet because you don't know what they're going to think about how they're going to like yeah.
[00:52:30] Tear it, tear up your brand. And so, like, I was there, I was like processing this breakup very privately and like, you know, obviously not gonna use my time with my client to talk about me. So like just dealing with my own stuff, but also being radically present. Um, for her and like she was going on and on and on, and about how, like she has now become the resource for all her girlfriends, which happens to all my clients.
[00:52:52] They, they turn into the dating coach for their friends because they become such a source of like good energy and, um, such a source of like abundance and confidence. Their friends start pulling from them. And so she was there telling me like how her friend was going on these like, like, you know, mediocre dates.
[00:53:09] And she was telling her like, you know, yes, mostly everything I'm looking for and this and that. And she was like, but is he a fuck? Yes. Does he light you up when you close your eyes and you imagine the date does your body tingle. And she's just like, no. And then she went on this whole rant to her friend about how, like, that's just not the type of woman they are.
[00:53:28] She was like, we haven't settled in any other area of our lives. Why would you settle in this huge area? And just like going on about how there's an abundance of people and that, like, you see what you want to see. And like the moment that you decide that there is someone for you who is gonna like show up my client, telling me what she was telling her friend.
[00:53:45] And well, you probably need to hear at the time and what I needed at the time. Cause I had just gotten out of it relationship that I did not expect to end whatsoever. And like, it was really fucking hard and there, she was like going on this passionate rant and I was like, [00:54:00] Holy shit. That's exactly what I needed to hear right now.
[00:54:02] And we're like around the same age, like all my clients were around the same age group. So. They get it, but it was so beautiful. So anyway, to your question, like I see people radically change their entire life. It's not uncommon for people to quit their jobs when they work with me, I've seen that I, one of my clients, literally her last day is today because,
[00:54:23] Colin Stuckert: [00:54:23] because you woke something
[00:54:24] Elsa Moreck: [00:54:24] up in them.
[00:54:24] Yep. Yep. Yeah, because they just start realizing, like, if I have agency in this area of my life, then I must have it in other areas too. So guess what? My job is not a fuck. Yes. Either. I'm going to quit that.
[00:54:37] Colin Stuckert: [00:54:37] Yeah. Second part of my life. This is like what the better human skills all about is that change. And it sounds like a theme is a lot of things.
[00:54:44] Growth versus fixed, which can also be translated as, or set as scarcity versus abundance. A lot of similar things here. Right. Um, and it's the locus of control. Like when you realize that you have control and that you don't have to be afraid of not meeting someone or like, let all those victim ideas come in your mind and you break free of that, you get agency, you can do anything.
[00:55:04] It's fucking incredible. Like it's literally insane what you can do. And that's why like it's extreme ownership. Uh, stoicism and some of these big ideas that I've incorporated into my life as an entrepreneur, because an entrepreneur makes you have to do this. Yeah.
[00:55:15] Elsa Moreck: [00:55:15] There's your survival depends on exactly.
[00:55:18] Colin Stuckert: [00:55:18] Yeah. At least you can kind of like tell yourself stories and maybe you're not like losing money every month, but if I have employees and I have customers and I have money and all these things. And I want us to like Slack off one month and I want to like tell myself victim stories. Well, there goes my fucking business.
[00:55:30] The IRS is going to show up and take everything or whatever, right? So like it's the ultimate iron sharpens iron tests that forges you to have to take responsibility for things. And I see this as being a huge thing theme, and that's why this is so exciting to talk to you about this. And I'm fortunate or super grateful you been on the show.
[00:55:45] Better human podcasts. This is actually only a post-it because it's gold. We thought we were just doing an audio
[00:55:49] Elsa Moreck: [00:55:49] check here. I have to circle back. So that girl on the boardwalk, I just have to tell you that when we first started working together two months [00:56:00] into our relationship, I was done. I was so tired of her victimhood mindset.
[00:56:06] Like I want to circle back. She had a massive transformation and maybe it wasn't two months, maybe it was like six weeks. It usually happens around. The six or seven weeks week Mark, the highest Warnoff like, you know, you've hired this coach. You're so excited and the high highest starting to wear off because now you're expecting change, but you're not noticing that you're hitting the grind a little bit.
[00:56:28] You're hitting the grind a little bit, um, which happens with anything when you first find online course, you're so fucking stoked a week later, you're not watching it. Exactly. So, um, it probably happened around like maybe the five, six, seven week Mark, whatever, where she was just like so stuck in victim hood.
[00:56:44] And I remember sending her an email where I was basically like, listen, you didn't hire me to be your friend and you didn't hire me to validate your victim hood perspective. You have friends for that. I am here to challenge you, to rise up and to live up to the vision that we both know you want. And that's going to require that you leave behind these thoughts because whether or not, you know, it, everything is shaping itself around what you're thinking.
[00:57:10] So we spend, you know, this hour in our sessions going through all this stuff, and then you just turn around and forget about it. Two hours later when you're watching some romantic chick flick or when your friend texts. You you're reinforcing all these negative stories that you've been telling yourself, and you're just wasting your money.
[00:57:26] And like, frankly, you're draining my energy. So I like, I would rather you take back your money and us not do this if you're not going to level up because like I'm, I'm, I'm here to empower you and I'm here to challenge you and I'm here to push you. And, um, we're not here to vent these aren't venting sessions.
[00:57:42] Yep. So I proposed, I was like from now on, when we get on a session, I'll give you two minutes, let it all out. Just like vent it all out, like say, you know, whatever it is that you need to complain about, the city is filled with Peter pans. Hinge fucking sucks. Just like let it all out. All my friends are still single.
[00:57:59] Like all my [00:58:00] most bad ass women I know are still single. Like men just, you know, aren't masculine enough. Let's just let it just complain, like word vomited out. And then after that, we'll do the, the real world work. So that was hurt when we first started working together. And now she's like, This amazing resource for all her friends and she completely changed everything around.
[00:58:20] So that's what I
[00:58:21] Colin Stuckert: [00:58:21] wanted to add. This is what I actually, this is what the better human is all about in the pockets about, so we actually, if you have time, I'd like to go for a few minutes more into that. Okay. So yeah. First, give me an idea of like what a session looks like. Like what's a process. Is it like you asking a lot of questions?
[00:58:39] Do you have exercises? Is it like you almost acting like a therapist? Like, like, are you making statements? Are you giving examples or stories, whatever. And then what are some, you know, I don't know. Some, some things we can tweeze out of the entire process. Cause it's what a 12 week, eight week process usually this,
[00:58:54] Elsa Moreck: [00:58:54] well, right now I'm enrolling for the school of modern dating and that's eight weeks, eight
[00:58:57] Colin Stuckert: [00:58:57] weeks.
[00:58:58] And. What are some of those big, like, like do you have to basically threaten to fire every client to get them to change their mind or most of them? Or do you just kind of tease that a little bit through strategic questioning exercises? How are you getting people to change? Because that's what I'm fascinated with with, with understanding, how do we get people to change?
[00:59:17] Because to go from a fixed mindset, which is likely a result of your upbringing, high school trauma, like that, shit's hard. You don't just like wake up one day and you're a growth minded person. Like a lot of people are just kind of lucky to be that way or not. To go from that to something else. That's fucking massive.
[00:59:30] So you're almost acting as like a therapist, psychologist for a lot of these clients than you are even a dating coach. It seems like
[00:59:36] Elsa Moreck: [00:59:36] I would not call me a therapist. I would not call me a therapist and I'll explain why. Okay. So I work with a very specific type of person and the type of person that I work with is someone who is reached a point where they're willing to be curious about their behavior and.
[00:59:53] By the time they've reached that point, they've stopped blaming other people. So in other words, they've stopped blaming other [01:00:00] people. Yeah. So even her, like, even her in that moment, she, you know, she had some of these, she had some of these like victim hood moments, but when she signed up to work with me, I knew she was ready because her language was.
[01:00:10] Clearly, there's something I'm missing here. Like I'm the common denominator. Is there something I'm missing here? When I hear people use that language, I know they're ready. And even if they dip into victim hood temporarily, the point is at the end of the day, deep down, what they really, really, really believe is that they're in charge.
[01:00:26] I don't work with anyone who, um, Talks shit about all women or talk shit about all men. Like I had a guy retail to me the other day and he was like, I've sworn off men, women forever. That's not, that's not an ideal client. Yeah. That's just someone who wants to make himself suffer unnecessarily. Exactly. So, um, that would probably more be, be better suited for a therapist because if you don't, if you haven't even identified that you have a problem problem.
[01:00:55] Yeah. Long, um, probably somewhere else, because therapy is very past focused. It can be present focused as well. But I think the, the core of therapy is like unpacking your emotions, unpacking how your past. Uh, has led to where you are today and like really getting into the meat of like your earlier relationships and how that lets you being the way you are and why you have certain tendencies and just like really understanding why you're at the point that you're at.
[01:01:23] That's amazing. I prefer to work with people who know why they're at they're at the point that they're at and they're ready. Yeah. You're
[01:01:29] Colin Stuckert: [01:01:29] not working with people that like need an intervention to even admit they have a drug problem or a dating problem or
[01:01:34] Elsa Moreck: [01:01:34] whatever problem. My favorite people to work with are people who are like, listen, I am the common denominator in my last three failed relationships.
[01:01:43] Colin Stuckert: [01:01:43] A lot of self-awareness to get
[01:01:43] Elsa Moreck: [01:01:43] to that point. Um, there's something I'm missing, whether it's the way I communicate, whether it's the type of men that I'm dating, whether it's the type of, you know, how I'm portraying myself, whether it's my lack of confidence, there's something that I'm doing. That's just not clicking.
[01:01:58] Can you help me [01:02:00] change? Can you help me change my behavior, my mindset, so that I can start getting what I want. So those are the people that I like to work with. People who are very present and future focused. I don't want to talk about the past. I may talk about it with you for 30 minutes. We may unpack, um, you know, we'll unpack your relationship history.
[01:02:16] We'll unpack your attachment style, your earlier relationships. But that's really only the first part of the process from then on I'm focused on like, where do you want to go to the future? Where do you want to go? And how are you acting right now? Because how you're acting right now is going to determine where you want to go.
[01:02:31] So those that that's, I would say the biggest difference between me and a therapy.
[01:02:35] Colin Stuckert: [01:02:35] Right. But so you still get people that have some of those limiting beliefs that come up. Um, what, what are some of the best, what are some tangible strategies? Is it like a very intense question? Clarifying question session.
[01:02:48] Is it like, I need you to go do this exercise, like, like, do you just talk, um, do you just talk for an hour and you just like, you're just so good at directing them. Like how does that look?
[01:02:58] Elsa Moreck: [01:02:58] Uh, I'll just use a recent example to illustrate my point. I had a girl two Fridays ago. She's a new client. She signed up for the school of modern dating and, um, What can they learn about more about the school marketing school of modern dating.com?
[01:03:12] Colin Stuckert: [01:03:12] That's a good URL.
[01:03:15] Elsa Moreck: [01:03:15] Um, yeah, we got on the phone and within 15 minutes she was. In tears, like she was just crying her eyes out. And basically, um, I was asking her questions about this situation chip as she calls it, that she'd been in situationship. That's an interesting way. Yeah. It's like a halfway between like a situation that's going nowhere and a relationship.
[01:03:39] And so, um, the conversation was. Just me asking her questions about the situation chip, where she got to thinking that that's what she deserves. We went deep into like her perspective of men, like who are the most monumental men in her life and what have they taught her to believe about all men in general?
[01:03:59] And so that's just [01:04:00] one example of a conversation that. Um, I mean, it was a combination of questions I gave her an exercise to do while we were on the call and to identify what she thought about men. And we were basically able, I was able to show her that she is operating from a place that all men are selfish and emotionally unavailable and strict.
[01:04:21] Because the three most, um, influential men in her life have been those things. So she's walking around looking for men like that, literally, and just attracting them back to her to verify that what she believes is true. And this has just been her cycle the entire time. How do you show her that though?
[01:04:37] Through questions that you
[01:04:38] Colin Stuckert: [01:04:38] ask her questions and she's like, and she like says some things. And then you ask her a question again, does art reinforce it? Or do you get to the point where you like, maybe say, this looks like what you're doing? The question for state statements thing is something I've been thinking about a lot lately because they've proven that like the Socratic method is almost the only way to convince anybody of anything.
[01:04:54] And we talk to people, they just don't fucking hear it. Or they hear like 10%. So this is, what's really fascinating to me and that people need, I know in general, people need to ask more questions. Most people just like to talk right. What, what does that look like? And like, where do you throw in those statements?
[01:05:07] And like, how do you use those in addition to questions?
[01:05:09] Elsa Moreck: [01:05:09] So in addition to questions, you could say, can I give you, would you be open to some feedback?
[01:05:14] Colin Stuckert: [01:05:14] So even that is a question, which is cool,
[01:05:16] Elsa Moreck: [01:05:16] but would you be open to my observation on what you
[01:05:18] Colin Stuckert: [01:05:18] said? You frame? The statement has a question first and then you,
[01:05:22] Elsa Moreck: [01:05:22] okay.
[01:05:23] Can I repeat to you what you just said? Sometimes, sometimes people just need to hear the statement that they just said out
[01:05:29] Colin Stuckert: [01:05:29] loud. You say something like. Okay, let me see if I understand this correctly. And then you repeat it back
[01:05:33] Elsa Moreck: [01:05:33] to them. That's the for sale. And, and, and then they, they notice how ridiculous what they just said is, um, so I think it's also partly intuitive, but those are the biggest nuggets are you're asking questions.
[01:05:46] You're asking for permission to give feedback right before I impose my worldview on this client, I'm going to make sure that I have the permission to do so. And once I have their permission, it's going to land so much better
[01:05:56] Colin Stuckert: [01:05:56] because they say, yes, Exactly.
[01:06:00] [01:06:00] Elsa Moreck: [01:06:00] Cause I mean, I could tell people all day long what to do tactical, like exactly.
[01:06:04] But the only way that she's going to hang up that call and actually do something different is if she believes in her core, that it's her idea. And if she, if she understands why, cause that's a decision. Cause we always fall back on why it has to be her decision. And it has to have a very strong foundational why once, once people have that.
[01:06:24] There. I mean, I've seen people break. I like break patterns in 15 minutes when they've been, when they've been single for
[01:06:30] Colin Stuckert: [01:06:30] 15 years, right. Talks about that. He says change actually happens in an instant. Yeah, but we, but to get to the point where you're like finally ready to like, make that change, it might take like years of, of bullshit exploration, et cetera.
[01:06:42] Elsa Moreck: [01:06:42] I'm glad you said that because people listening to this might think like, Oh, I just had a breakthrough. Like, this is great. This is all I need. But breakthrough happens in an instant change, takes a long time. Change is all about the content you consume, the people you surround yourself with and the mentors that you see, everything has to
[01:06:59] Colin Stuckert: [01:06:59] translate to daily habits or nothing, man.
[01:07:02] Elsa Moreck: [01:07:02] So you could be listening to this and have an amazing breakthrough. And if that's the case good for you. But if you actually want to see things really change, you have to be actively sinking seeking mentors, actively putting yourself in environments where you're hearing the same messages of success.
[01:07:16] Consume, whatever content you're consuming and you have to be around people who are already where you want to be, or at least very close, or they've already been there.
[01:07:25] Colin Stuckert: [01:07:25] And, and just also consider tweaking your current environment. So like a lot of people ask the question like, Oh, I need to get a mentor. I got to find some rich person.
[01:07:32] And like, I gotta, I gotta pick their ear and have coffee with them. It's like, dude. Somebody asked me to do like, do I have a coach? And I said, interesting question, because I've thought that I could probably use coaches in different areas over the, over the years, but I've always kind of gone my own route, but guess what?
[01:07:45] I've read every, almost every important biography on every successful person in the history of the world. I was reading a hundred books a year at one point, and I'm focusing more on reading the best books and I consume tons and tons of podcasts and motivational and whatever. [01:08:00] That's my mint. Those are my mentors.
[01:08:01] I don't have to meet the person to learn from like, I've learned like how Rockefeller never. He barely said anything. He just sat there and observed and he didn't criticize, he didn't complain and he just fucking crank the numbers and he like, let us, people do staying. And he be like, do things behind the scenes.
[01:08:15] It's just very fascinating. Right. For someone always feels like I got to like control things or tweak things or whatever. Like I can learn from that and I can visualize his behavior. Then, and I can mimic that in certain ways. Right? So it doesn't mean you have to like hire somebody or whatever, although that can be helpful.
[01:08:29] There's but a lot of times you just have to maybe remove some of the people in your environment that are actively pulling you down, which we all know who those people are. Right. And we have to remove the negative stressors and the negative content, like turn off the fucking news, for example, or get off social media if it's making you miserable, for example, you know, and that's massive for people.
[01:08:46] Elsa Moreck: [01:08:46] And I think also though, like joining. A certain program does put you in a new environment. Like I, I signed up for an online course last year and frankly, I didn't watch all of it, but I put myself on a group of people that met weekly, who were high vibe, very successful. And the actual person leading the mastermind as you now know, became my friend.
[01:09:09] And like, I took a quantum leap when I joined that mastermind because suddenly I was hanging out with people who made a lot more money than me. And even though I wasn't watching the course content, honestly, like if I'm being totally honest, um, I was around people and who were exactly where I wanted to be and I absorbed their energy and, and by becoming friends with the person who led the mastermind, like.
[01:09:32] And those three weeks that we hung out, I made more money than I'd made all year. And I really believe it's because I was in the energy of someone who was extremely successful.
[01:09:41] Colin Stuckert: [01:09:41] You're naturally a networker and a people person. Right. Like, and so it sounds so here's a good, a good example of the differences between you and I.
[01:09:49] So I've been always the type to buckle down, read, read, absorb, absorb, like kind of go my own route and then kind of let people come inbound to me. Right. [01:10:00] And that can take you. Places, but, but like, if you don't have like the next Facebook or whatever, like you will be limited in the inbound opportunities that come your way, if you're not actively going out.
[01:10:10] So what I've done is I've made a point to go outbound and now just add value, meet people, do whatever I can like interview people do cool. Things like that. That's my networking strategy. And, but I've been buying courses in books and consuming information. For years. I probably spent over $50,000 on personal development courses in books.
[01:10:27] And if there's a book. Or an audiobook that somebody recommends, if they say it was good or like, they kind of rave about it. I buy it within a minute. Right. And I don't always get around to reading it, but I do read most of them. So. I'm working on the people part. Right. And I'm really good at the content consumption part.
[01:10:43] You're really good at the people part. Maybe you have some benefit into getting more of the content consumption and going deep into like certain books or ideas, and then just being aware of that we can get to the next level. So that that's
[01:10:53] Elsa Moreck: [01:10:53] exactly where I'm at right now. So like I've been for the last.
[01:10:57] My, my girlfriend texted me this morning and she was like, you dropped off the grid. And I was like, it's that? Have you been focused? Yeah, I told her very honestly, I was like, it's that season? Like right now, I'm just in social recluse season. Meaning like I'm sleeping earlier than everyone else in my friend group.
[01:11:13] I'm waking up early and I'm just consuming content that serves my immediate goal. So yeah, like right now I've, I've had S I had a girlfriend over last night and I was like, you can come over. But like, I sleep at night just like FYI. Yup. And I'm dialing every social outing, like making it two hours earlier and like saying no to most things.
[01:11:32] So that's where I'm at right
[01:11:32] Colin Stuckert: [01:11:32] now. Yeah. And you know, that's one thing that we struggle with, uh, when we get into our habits and the things we're good at and natural at humans, don't like change, which is actually interesting because the only constant in the universe has changed. There's quite literally nothing.
[01:11:45] That's static, everything is changing. Right. So you'd think that this universal law to which we wake up every single day in the universe, that we can never change. You think we'd be better at like, kind of getting it and understanding it, uh, But that's kind of the part of the delusion of modernity and that our [01:12:00] ancestors knew that they woke up every day.
[01:12:01] They would, they would go around for 13, 50 miles a day, hunting and gathering. They're always like moving nomadically around finding new opportunities, new watering, holes, new game spots or whatever. But now we control our environments. We can do whatever we want. We can wake up when we want to whatever.
[01:12:13] And it's very hard to create those habits. Right. And we get addicted to comfort and whatever. So this has been amazing conversation. Let's find out where people can learn more about you. Cause I know. Anybody who listens to this is gonna want to learn more about you and what you're doing. Right. So plug shamelessly away.
[01:12:29] Elsa Moreck: [01:12:29] Elsa morrick.com, R U C K M O R E C K. Thanks for spelling it out. That's my website at Elsa. Morrick on Instagram again. M R E C K after Elsa, and then the best place to go right now. If you're really pumped and feeling motivated to take action on your dating life. Is the school of modern dating. I mean, it's called a school of modern dating.
[01:12:52] So if you're struggling with dating in the modern world, you can actually do something about it with a group of humans that are amazing. The people who are inside are already so
[01:13:01] Colin Stuckert: [01:13:01] cool. What's the format. Give us a quick overview. What
[01:13:04] Elsa Moreck: [01:13:04] that format looks like eight weeks and the format it's online. It happens on zoom, but.
[01:13:10] What I'm really excited about is for men and women to learn about each other from each other. So this is not me talking to a group of women about men. It's a cohort. So we're not going to be talking hypothetically about what men think you're going to be hearing from men. And same in reverse. Like you're not going to sit and wonder what high quality woman are thinking.
[01:13:29] You're going to talk to them. Yep. And you're going to talk to many of them and you're going to get the honest feedback on why you're not getting what you want. What are you doing wrong or what, or what are you doing unknowingly? Like what are you doing? Unloading cars. Yeah. What are you not aware of?
[01:13:43] That's actually really hurting you and it's incredibly healing. To see that what you want exists. Cause I hear women say all the time, like where are the men who invest in themselves? Where are the men who are high, quiet, high quality? And I hear men say the same thing, right? So I just want to get them under one vert in one [01:14:00] virtual room where they can see that they exist because that in and of itself is going to break a huge limiting belief that those people don't exist.
[01:14:08] Colin Stuckert: [01:14:08] I mean, monkey see monkey do it's like humans really need to see things. Most humans. We're not all of a sudden like the Elon Musk visionaries, where we see the future. Right. Most of us have to see that as possible. And when we see somebody else do it, we're like, Holy shit. I can do that. I can tell you real quick story, because I know you have something to say.
[01:14:25] I walked into a CrossFit gym in 20, like seven or nine or whatever. And I went for a certification cause I was like interested in this thing. I just learned about it. And I looked around and it was an empty warehouse and there was, there was horse stall mats on the four barbells on the walls and no equipment.
[01:14:38] I'd never been to a gym like this in my life. Cause all gyms I've been to are like global gyms with like all the equipment, like tens of thousands of dollars of equipment. And I'm like, I was so I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Am I like in the Twilight zone? And then I stepped in like 10 steps in, and I'm like, if this is a CrossFit gym, I can do it.
[01:14:54] And I swear to God, a year later we built CrossFit, a sterile that is now still live today. 11 years later, it was the it's probably still is the Lord's CrossFit gym in a sterile Florida. It was one of my first businesses. And I'm telling you when I, when I had that, aha, I saw someone else do it. And I'm like, I could do this.
[01:15:10] Elsa Moreck: [01:15:10] Okay. So what you just said is exactly why I hire mentors. I hire mentors, not because I don't know how to do what I need to do to succeed. I know how to sell. I know how to build a landing page. I know how to make an Instagram post. I hire mentors because first of all, when I see that what I want already exists and someone's done it or is doing it, that expands my mindset.
[01:15:33] And that makes me. Create the energy. I need to attract that myself. That's the first reason why I hire mentors. The second reason why I hire mentors is because they helped me with effective prioritization. So when you're dating, there are so many options you could be on dating apps. You could ask your friends to connect you.
[01:15:51] You could find social events in your community. You could be doing all those things, right. But there's only so many hours in a day. And I work with people who are very successful and spend a lot [01:16:00] of time investing in themselves and in their career that they don't have time to go and try everything to find out what works.
[01:16:06] They want someone who's going to help them effectively prioritize. And when I see someone, I immediately know what does this person, what's their 80 20. Like, do you need to be on apps or are you the type of person that if you were to maximize this one thing that you're already doing, you'd find so much more success.
[01:16:21] So that's why I hire mentors. And I, that's why I believe in mentorship. And it's not about them telling you what to do. It's about helping you prioritize and helping you see what's possible literally.
[01:16:31] Colin Stuckert: [01:16:31] Yeah. And seeing what you're not seeing exactly what's right in front, your face. Right. That like just having a second brain to ask questions and say, well, what about that?
[01:16:38] And you're like, Holy shit. I didn't even think about that. And it's sitting right here. Right. I re-read how to win friends and influence people. Recently, I write 10 years ago and I don't even remember anything from the book 10 years ago. Now I can like quote, like every step in the fucking book. And it's like blowing my mind with all these subtle things that like some, I intuitively know some I'm ignoring, like maybe I'm not smiling as much.
[01:16:59] Maybe I'm not opening first as much. Maybe I'm not like, focused on like, what's their perspective. How do I get them to want to do it? Like it just, all the amazing things that are in there. And I'm going to probably reread it every year of my life. Not because the information, I don't know, but it's a reminder and it brings it to front of my consciousness and it just gives me that little boost, like to like, you know, stick to it.
[01:17:20] Right. So it's, it's so massive. So, so amazing. So this has been awesome. So school of modern dating.com. Right. Do we still get that URL? I still fucking believe we've got the URL. That's awesome. And so what the, so if they go there, it'll be, they'll be able to book a call with you. All they
[01:17:36] Elsa Moreck: [01:17:36] have to, all you have to do is watch the video if you want.
[01:17:39] It's a very cute minute and a half video of me talking about all the reasons why fluffy my hair. No, my hair looks really pretty. It's like, no, you
[01:17:46] Colin Stuckert: [01:17:46] look really hot in that thing. And I'm like, I'm like, yes. I was like, Holy shit. Landing page winning right now. Watch
[01:17:51] Elsa Moreck: [01:17:51] the video, if you want don't if you don't, there's captions, it's captioned.
[01:17:55] So you can just read the caption, but the goal of the page is. Schedule a [01:18:00] call. It's very easy. You schedule a call. There are seven questions that I ask one of which is your name, your email, and your phone number. So there's really five questions that I ask. And it's just so that I can make sure that this is the fit, right?
[01:18:12] That's it. But so the five questions, answer them, book, a call, then we can talk about, and you just talk
[01:18:17] Colin Stuckert: [01:18:17] about it. And if it's not a fit, you'll figure that out. And if it is, yeah. You know, if they want to get started, you run them through that process and how to get started. Yeah, we'll get on the phone and it's
[01:18:25] Elsa Moreck: [01:18:25] like phone call and we'll get them signed up
[01:18:27] Colin Stuckert: [01:18:27] and there's there's um, how many spots
[01:18:28] Elsa Moreck: [01:18:28] open there's 20 spots open.
[01:18:31] I forgot to go fast and I've already filled five. You have 15 and we start February 23rd. So there's
[01:18:37] Colin Stuckert: [01:18:37] quite a few calls already booked. So if anyone is even remotely interested, I'm going to get this podcast out as fast as possible for that reason. Cool. Go check that out and yeah, it's amazing. Else's amazing.
[01:18:47] As you guys, as you all can tell, uh, I'll have all the links, everything in the show notes. This has been a blast. We're gonna have you back on for round two and three. There's just so much to talk about. So I appreciate
[01:18:56] Elsa Moreck: [01:18:56] it. Thank you. I appreciate it too.
[01:19:05] Colin Stuckert: [01:19:05] Well. He's
[01:19:05] Elsa Moreck: [01:19:05] always remembered that the members of the ancestral mind podcast are not in fact medical professionals. They're not doctors, they're not nutritionists. They are simply providing this entertainment for you to do your own research and. To entertain yourselves. So please consult a physician before changing your diet.
[01:19:24] Not everything works for everybody and make sure you always do your own research on everything you hear on this show and outside.