Everything in your life comes down to two simple questions. What can I control, and what do I want.
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Better Mind Principle: The Framework of Control
[00:00:00] What is up everybody, Colin here, we're back for another show out on the way you're gonna be hearing this. Cause I have so many podcasts at this point that who knows where it's going to go, but this is a principle of success. It's one of those foundational things. So maybe it's going to go on all of them.
[00:00:14] Maybe it's going to go into of them who knows the most crucial principle of building success is focusing on what you can control and accepting what you can't. Now, this is rooted in stoicism, which is probably the most impactful philosophy I've ever found. And there's a reason it's become popular since the rise of the internet.
[00:00:33] I mean, it's just a game changer for living practically living logically and removing a lot of the mental nonsense and distraction and pain that we really inflict upon ourselves. So you've probably heard the phrase, the only constant in the universe has changed. But what does that mean? I mean, everything is changing around you all the time, but like, okay.
[00:00:55] Um, this table right here, is that changing? I mean, no, I mean, technically yeah, it is considering the universe is expanding and the sun is dying. So you could say that the earth is dying at some point when the sun explodes, we're all going to be gone and hopefully humanity will have colonized other solar systems by that time.
[00:01:11] I mean, we're talking about a couple of billion years, but the universe is always in flux. Things are always changing. The law of entropy States that all things are regressing to disorder, unless you're obviously investing energy into something. So, you wake up human body, you have to put energy in, you have to do things, or you will waste away.
[00:01:28] Astronauts in space have to exercise for something like three hours a day, or their muscles will atrophy because there's no gravity. If you don't eat food over a long enough period of time, you will die. If you don't drink water over long enough period of time, you'll die, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:01:43]So things are always changing. Yet human beings in a strange way, we don't do well with change. We don't do well with a constant of the universe. Now this is a survival adaptation from living in the wild. So there's a lot of reasons for that. And I'm going to get into that today. But [00:02:00] if things are constantly changing, if things are constantly unpredictable, Nobody can predict the future.
[00:02:06] Like anybody that tries to tell you they can or whatever. I mean, look at the actual track records of people that try to predict the stock market or political change or this or that. It's abysmal and the few that actually get it right. Usually just got lucky. So if you want to build success, you have to accept what you can control and what you can't.
[00:02:25] And then obviously you spend as much time as possible focusing on what you can control because you can control it. Right. And what you can't control. Well, if you're spending any energy feeling bad for yourself or being the victim and otherwise spending time in mental anx, well, that just doesn't make any sense yet.
[00:02:45] It's funny because that's almost a default for just modern humans. Things happen to us and because we're so addicted to comfort and this just easy life that we have in maternity, what, when things don't go our way we kick and scream. You know, poor us. woe is me! And we get this entitled superiority complex, really a sense of entitlement.
[00:03:05] It's derangement. Do you want actually to build success? If you want to build success one brick at a time, if you want to be self-made, whether that's happiness, whether it's your career, whether it's your relationships yourself, no matter what it is, you have to be able to focus on what you can control and build your success.
[00:03:22] One. Little brick in one little bit of a, what do they use a mortar at a time, one brick at a time, and you lay carefully and you Pat it and whatever, and then you maintain it and you clean it. And you know, you respect that wall that you're building and you keep building and building. It requires a massive and constant expenditure of energy to keep entropy at Bay.
[00:03:47] This is true for your wealth. When you make money, now you gotta learn how to keep it. Otherwise, it'll just find places to go. When you have a relationship, you got to invest in it. Otherwise it will definitely go somewhere else. Business. [00:04:00] Same thing. It's like a child that constantly needs feeding and nurturing your ability to respond, to change and hopefully grow stronger.
[00:04:07] Thus antifragile is a skill and muscle. You need to build a maintain. If you're gonna do anything, you're gonna maintain anything. You have to respond to change. Well, you have to adapt. You have to grow. And the constant here is that things are always going to be unpredictable. They're always going to be changing.
[00:04:24] So when you focus on, in every instance, you focus on what can I control? And that means when something changes. The question then is again, what can I control? Something changes. Something goes bad. You know, our house flooded last week. What can I control? Well, I can control how I respond to it. That's it. So we're going to find a new place.
[00:04:41] We're going to find an Airbnb where we do the best we can for the kids. So on and so forth.
[00:04:46]I need some water,
[00:04:47]the most successful people in the world. They thrive in change. Because they are antifragile to change. They are not fragile to change when you are fragile will change. It means that eventually enough change will break you. You know, it's like chipping away. It's hacking away at the roots. If you were antifragile to change, every time disorder comes into your life and things, stress test you, you actually grow back more resilient and stronger.
[00:05:14] You build more of that response muscle. You become wiser. You make better decisions in the future when you're stuck, if you're stuck right now, if you're plateaued takes off and the fact that it will eventually change and if you're winning and if everything is easy and your life is perfect, which I say with a little bit of a fear, because I have two kids and we have a family and is growing and a lot of, you know, the things I think about that could go wrong, involve them.
[00:05:43] And it's pretty scary to be honest. But when you're winning and everything is easy, things will change. And I, financial freedom. I have time freedom. I'm not really where I want to be just yet purely, but we have massive amount of abundance and security in our lives. And I worked for it. So I'm not gonna apologize for it.
[00:05:59] I don't have any [00:06:00] damn privilege. I've worked my ass off to get it. And privilege is just kind of a ridiculous nonsense school idea. Like if you're alive, you're privileged. It's just a weird thing. I mean, 99% millions of humans are dead. They don't even get to exist right now. And you're talking about privilege.
[00:06:15] Give me a break. So when you all this down to this core parts, you have a foundational principle that applies to everything you do. It's the framework of control. And this is one of the principles inside the better mind program, which you can learn firstname.lastname@example.org. I hope you'll join that. Get in there.
[00:06:31] It's a mindset training course that I'm going to continually be building to be the most amazing in the planet, but it's based on eight core principles of the mind and of human flourishing. So if you want to get unstuck, if you wanna get past a plateau, if you want to learn how to upgrade your thinking, how to build better models of thought for success, for fulfillment, for purpose for your mission, whatever you want to do in life.
[00:06:52] It's going to come down to how you think it's gonna come down to your brain. And if you don't have absolute full control over your inner world, well, your subconscious is going to kick you around this way and that way, and you're not going to do so well with change and your future is going to be uncertain.
[00:07:05]So again, you can go over to better human high school to enroll today, get access to the training I'm in there in the weekly calls, and I'm going to be in there often tweaking testing, iterating. You can always talk to me if you want, you can interact with me, email me, whatever it's going to be amazing, better human.school.
[00:07:21] So when he boils down to his core parts, the framework of controls, what you get. And this is about what you can control for sweat. You can't. Now, many people spend a lot of time and energy on things outside of their control because they haven't really internalized the idea that I should only focus on what I can control.
[00:07:38] And then they also don't spend time actually analyzing, well, what can I control? What can I, you know, a lot of people think that blame and being the victim and feeling bad for themselves, it's like this weird. Way to respond to, like, I guess I think it's how they control the situation or something, but it doesn't actually fix anything or make it better.
[00:07:58] It actually makes it worse. It brings [00:08:00] more of that into your life, which is very perverse and weird. Like people become addicted to the complaining and the victim hood. Yeah. Ironic thing about his behavior is how it brings the individual more of the very thing they claim to want to change. And I used the word claim here because much of the victim culture we see today is centered around power and attention and has nothing to do with actual change.
[00:08:20]When you focus on things outside of your control, you give up your power to control your outcomes. This is called your locus of control. So if you have a strong internal locus of control, you have the agency and confidence to take actions to control your life. Like you feel empowered and confident that if you take action and you do things and you think card and you do the work, you'll get results.
[00:08:40]When you don't have an internal locus of control, you've given up your agency to when you don't have an internal locus of control, you've basically given up your agency to dictate how your life will go. I mean, that's just scary. Like I don't want my future or what I get my results to be in someone else's hands or just be up to random, blind chance.
[00:09:00] I don't want to be, uh, just a, I would say. I don't want to be just another statistic or just gambling with my future and my family's future. Right. I want to have control. I'm going to have a say in it. In fact, I want to have as much control as possible, and that's why I spend as much time as possible focusing on what I can control
[00:09:19]and what it comes down to the singular question. Principle, foundational first principle of your life forever. It's always gonna come down to a single question. What do I do? What do I do about this thing? Something's happened? What do I do? I want to get over there and I'm here. What do I do? How do I get there?
[00:09:38] always about what do you do? Because nobody is going to make you do anything. Like they can lock you up, but even then, how are you gonna respond to it? How are you going to wake up every day? It's always about how are you going to respond? What are you going to do? And if you're a victim of some heinous crime or unfairness or whatever, I mean, to some extent, we all have had these experiences in our lives.
[00:09:58] It is still your responsibility to [00:10:00] respond. When things don't go your way, no matter how morally wrong legal or illegal it is still your responsibility to respond. Life is your responsibility. And if you plan on living and you're here every day, it's still your responsibility. Your life is yours and yours alone.
[00:10:18]And then when you've truly internally, except this in your life, you get empowerment, you get agency because then you're just focused on, well, what do I do to get what I want? It's pretty mind boggling that I have to even like remind people of this, but so much of our soft PC culture has removed. Uh, I guess the idea that if you want something, you can go out and get it.
[00:10:45] And for the most part, if you're living in America, you have the most equal opportunity land ever. We just don't have equal outcomes because that's not life. I mean, nobody's going to have equal outcomes. This is ridiculous to even suggest you should have equal outcomes. The goal of any fair society should be to give equal opportunity.
[00:11:04] And for the most part, I would say we have that. And for some people, they even have advantages because of the victim status. They have more opportunities. And so I was going to be up to them and take advantage of that. And a lot of people won't because they're stuck too much in feeling bad for themselves.
[00:11:18]And the simple truism is lost on many people. The idea that if you want something, it's your responsibility to go get it. But that should be empowering. And a lot of people don't want to hear that because it takes work and sacrifice and whatever. Like it's hard to be successful. It's hard to be happy.
[00:11:34] It's hard to do anything. It's hard to fight entropy in a universe that is constantly changing in a world that's constantly changing.
[00:11:41] This type of victim, narrative compounds as friends, family, and society reinforced the, Oh, the world's unfair. Oh, poor you. Because of this or that, that just. Disempowers, the very people that people think they're helping. It's so bizarre to me. In fact, this Mark Twain [00:12:00] quote is very prescient for this.
[00:12:02] Whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect. So this is heuristic I've been thinking about, especially through 2020, the more that society believes in thinks something and accepts it as truth, or just as a given, the more likely it is to be wrong. Health nutrition, finances.
[00:12:20] I mean, everything. If you go to the average person and you ask them, what do they think about it? And if it echoes what other people think and what society at large things or does, it's probably wrong. And it's the very least, even if it's not wrong, it's only partially, right. Or it's only maybe a smidgen of truth.
[00:12:35] I know if smudging is a word, but I like it.
[00:12:37]So you get back to the, what do I want question? When you ask yourself, what do I want? And every situation always, right? Like if something happens to you, you still have to ask yourself, what do you want? Do you want to relive the situation? Do you want to be stuck where you're at? Do you want to be in pain and misery and just not move forward because somebody does something to you?
[00:12:55] Or do you want to get somewhere else or do you want to remove the pain or you want to grow or whatever? When you get back to the core question of what do I want you find that the answer is nothing to do with anything else?
[00:13:06]Any spend too much time ignoring this question and giving up your agency and giving up your gun control. You will actually in a very crazy and weird and insidious way. Bring more of the bad things into your life. Like you become what you think about you become what you focus on, you become what your environment is.
[00:13:24] So if you're stuck in places and you're reliving past traumas and you're blaming and playing the victim, being the victim, feeling the victim. You're going to get more things in your life that are going to reflect back to you, those very things. So you'll have more things happen to you. You will have more reasons why you're the victim and you'll have more things that are going to remove your agency to actually take ownership and control of your life.
[00:13:48]And this is why everything comes down to two simple questions. What can I control? And what do I want, if you don't constantly remind yourself. Of what you're trying to achieve. [00:14:00] You'll get swept up by something else. And there are always great forces at play that would gladly lead you and other direction.
[00:14:08]So again, what can I control and what do I want? That's going to be it for today. Subscribe wherever you're hearing this. I appreciate you get on the better human newsletter email@example.com. And again, please, if you want to support me in my work during the flagship mindset program, the better mind. I promise you it's going to be the best.
[00:14:29]I mean, depending on when I record this, the price is going to go up in the future. But right now it's priced at $200 for the self-paced access. And I will have a group coaching program is gonna come out later. I decided to put that on pause for now because I have a lot of other things in my life to, to wrap up, but the self-paced course access, which I'm going to be building and building and has currently the foundational principles already in there.
[00:14:49] You can get that today to one 99, $200 to level up and take your mind the next level. And again, that price is going to go up. So if you happen to stumble upon better human.school and find that it is still $200, you need to get in there. Now years ago, I never liked talking about price and I never liked selling anything or promoting everything was always inbound.
[00:15:09] For me. It was always like, okay, put our content, help people. And then people can kind of find what I do here and there. But you know, in the age of this distracted, uh, internet in just the constant amount of information vying for all of our attention, We really have to be focused and to help people and get them to take action in this process.
[00:15:27] For me, it's like my life's work. That's what I envision it. And I want to eventually get into maybe colleges as a core curriculum. And I want it to help revolutionize all in learning because we have a lot of work to do there, so on and so forth. But as I record this, it's got the core foundational principles.
[00:15:44]I mean, these eight things, if you internalize them, you will become a different person. And I've struggled with how to promote this, talk about this, sell this. I've tried different price points and I've different models. And I settled on just doing a course first and then expanding [00:16:00] later so that I can get more feedback and I can make the group coaching was going to be way more hands-on and much more premium in pricing.
[00:16:06] I want that to be very specific. And so I'm offering what in my mind is just a ridiculous deal. Uh, At one 99 to start because I want to get a lot more data and I want to interact with early students, basically beta at this point and help refine it, tweak it and tweak it. So it's just an amazing value right now.
[00:16:25] And I, you know, I want you in there. I want to learn from you. I want you to help me make it the best thing ever. But I promise you if you get like one principle, one idea, one thing that helps you think a little bit different. Think about the results in your life and how that's going to manifest in different outcomes.
[00:16:42]And I would say better outcomes because when you think better, you stop making the same mistakes. She always making which for some people can be life-changing you uncover new ways of thinking and seeing so opportunities that are right in front of you that you haven't taken advantage of. Well, bam, there you go.
[00:16:57]You improve your relationships, you become more self-aware you become more patient. And that can just translate into a million billion things. I mean, it's incredible. So I know I'm rambling on, but I'm super excited about it. So again, better human Dusko enroll today because price is gonna be going up. I mean, every time I talk about this, I'm probably going to be quoting a new price.
[00:17:17] I probably shouldn't even really quote a price or talk about it. So if you're hearing this and the price is now four, nine, nine, or nine, nine, nine, I'm sorry. Uh, you can actually send me an email and maybe we'll chat about something. I am thinking of having a scholarship program in the future. But like, if you're really fired up and want to get in there, and you're really excited then, like, I want you in, so we'll work something out.
[00:17:35] You can always send me an email, uh, is my name calling ECI mobile com. And I appreciate you listening to this again. Subscribe, like, share most important. Do something think about what you might've learned today, or an idea that stuck in your mind and maybe it compels you to read a book or watch a video, or do some research, get outside, work out.
[00:17:52] I don't know, whatever Springs in your mind from something that you just listened to. Take action on that [00:18:00] reinforce that motivation or inspiration and build that habit, you know, get a bit stronger, a bit better, and I'll see you in the next one.
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