I need to stop 'nexting.'
I'm hypersensitive to how I spend my time, which means I often focus too much on what I'm doing and what's next. The ugly byproduct of this is I end up ignoring the current moment.
Budhha would say I'm an idiot since I'm causing myself unnecessary suffering.
One of the reasons I've been dealing with this lately is I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I have this freedom of time and choice, and I don't know what to do with it.
If I do "life" stuff—stuff that's not work—then I feel like I'm wasting my time or missing an opportunity to grow.
And that's true to an extent.
I will def be missing the compound interest that comes from investing time into growth. There is always a trade-off.
But then you have to consider diminishing returns.
What efforts are worth it and which are a waste of time, or worse, actively getting in the way?
This is not obvious or easy to figure out. In some cases, it's absurdly hard.
I have multiple interests I give time to each week.
It feels shallow. It doesn't bring me the fulfillment or excitement that comes from being all-in on something.
It feels like I have a bunch of acquaintances when what I'm looking for is a deep relationship.
The word decide comes from two Latin words—de = 'OFF' + caedere = 'CUT.'
That's the hard part about deciding—what to cut off.
There was an interview I saw recently that I decided not to watch, which is rare for me—when I find something that interests me, I always dive right into it.
I was afraid that it would confirm something I know. This is it: Why Reading Decreases Happiness - Jordan Peterson
I'm afraid of what he'll say. I'm afraid he'll be right, and I'll develop a bias against reading, which I don't want.
I'll probably watch it now.
The reason it scared me is I've long sensed—and experienced firsthand—that the more you learn about the world, history, humanity, science, the more nihilistic and disillusioned you can become.
I sometimes suffer from feelings like this where I feel like nothing has meaning, or I get bored quickly, and nothing satisfies me.
Part of my problem is I attack my issues head-on. So instead of seeking escape in drugs, distraction, or various other pursuits that can distract me from these existential questions, I face them.
It’s strange how the downside of being hyperaware is you have to struggle with this kind of stuff. And it’s why I’ve long called BS on the “blame the rich” narrative as if rich people don’t have struggles.
That is, for sure, a load of malarky.
And I’m not even rich! (Though def on my way.)
So what are some ways I’m tackling this?